I am not a pretty barfer. I woke up with the stomach flu at 5am Friday, and preceded to barf for the next two hours straight. Now I suspect that very few people looks glamourous when they are puking, but I turn into some sort of monster.
My nose begins to run, buckets of snot, and I involuntary start to cry. Sometimes, there’s even an “issue” down there, but since several of you are my friends and reading this, I refuse to elaborate any further. It’s as if God has a button that says “Let ‘er rip”, and apparently up in heaven, rip means puke, cry, snot, piss and shit (so much for not elaborting).
The first (and the last) time my daughter saw me barf, I terrified her, and she immediately started to cry. Who was that monster hovering over the toilet bowl, that kind of looked like Mommy, but not so much?
So now when I barf have to act like it’s all cool. And believe me, it isn’t cool. I disguise the sound with the fan in the bathroom and running the water. I say “Mommy is going to cough for a few minutes.” She looks at me with suspicion- she’s no fool. So I try and bribe her. “Okay, if you go downstairs and be good and stay until I come down, I’ll give you a thousand dollars.” She bargains with a counter offer – “Can I have some chips?” “Okay.” She’s going to be a lawyer just like her Daddy.
p.s. world’s greatest Web site ever: http://www.ihasabucket.com/
At a party in high school a dutch exchange student threw up on the other side of a sliding glass door from me. I think she was trying to make it to the ladies, but she didn’t. I just wanted to share that.
I haven’t vomited since 1996. Wanted to share that too.
Comment by The Outdoorsman — February 14, 2008 @ 6:01 am