“Some words are funny- you just HAVE to laugh.” Charlie, age 3
March 7, 2008
March 5, 2008
Your new nickname is Benny Lava.
My friend Marci sent me an email a few days ago, and this is all it said:
It just gets funnier every time I watch it:
He’s right. Watch out for Oliver.
March 4, 2008
King of condiments.
People, get it straight. There is only one true condiment. Mustard. Not the fancy farty kind with the seeds and shit, just good old plain yellow mustard.
The following is a list of condiments that make me barf:
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mayonnaise
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sweet pickle relish
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horseradish
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dijon, or any “fancy” mustard
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thousand island dressing (mayo+ketchup+relish = vomit)
I used to hate ketchup just as much, but over the years, I have been able to eat it with fries. NOTHING else. And I mean NOTHING else. Not on hamburgers, hotdogs, meatloaf, eggs (why must you teach our children that, husband?).
Great mustard moments in literature:
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Shakespeare’s Henry IV Part 2:
His wit as thick as Tewesbury mustard. (Meaning gross, because good mustard is NOT thick.)
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Alexenader Dumas reportedly said:
Louis XI kept his own pot of mustard with him most of the time, ostensibly to keep him well prepared when he dropped in on friends unannounced. (Hell yeah, Lou-dog.)
Of course, not all people share my love of the ‘turd. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8IJpDGRa5o. The best part is the 3-second shower scene at the end.
In closing, I will share with you that it WAS Colonel Mustard in the Conservatory with the candlestick.
If you were a fly on the wall at my house last night.
Here are some conversation snippets you would have overheard:
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“Her teeth are all rotten from eating poo.”
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“I’m going to cut off your leg and serve it to you for dinner.”
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“What do you think the Queen carries in her purse?” (His answer was “a dildo.”)
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“What’s the matter? The lettuce isn’t manly enough for you?”
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“It’s as if I am her Islamic wife and have to walk four paces behind her in silence.”
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“I think Prince Charles has been eating poo, too.”
March 3, 2008
Conversations in the van.
“Mom, what’s that sign say?”
“It’s says ‘garage sale’.”
“Oh, they don’t want their garage anymore?”
