I used to babysit this kid!

  

I just got an email from his Mom with a link to a quick bio video.  I started babysitting him (and his sister) when I think he was 4.  He was really into Ghostbusters.  And spaghettios. 

God, I feel old.  And proud!

http://www.vimby.com/video/life/us/all/detail/5714

 

Taste the pain.

 

this may come as a shocking surprise
i have to take a walk
i have to kiss it goodbye
goodbye my love
goodbye my love

I fucking LOVE Dexter.

 

I wasn’t kidding before.  I heart Dexter.

This is the coolest thing EVER.

http://www.sliceoflifetv.com/

88 lines about 44 women.

Or actually it’s 18 lines about 13 things Violet likes…

80’s song quiz for Nelson.

 

I know you know them, Nelson.  Put your answers in the comments section, people.

Name the song and the band:

1. Martin, maybe one day you’ll find true love.
2. They want to touch me- I never let them.
3. He looked like 65 when he died.
4. Oh God can’t you keep it down?
5. Your love is so edible to me.
6. I’m sick of the Hoover.
7. I got the feeling I was not alone!
8. I’m black and blue, baby I love you.
9. They do it over there, but they don’t do it here.
10. They beat him up until the teardrops start.
11. Soul Boy, let’s hit the town.
12. At night I get drunk and fly around.
13. Touch the hurt and don’t let go.
14. She drove a Plymouth Satellite.
15. I’ll say you let me be your friend.
16. The only real difference is in the people you meet.
17. I said wot d’ya want.
18. I thought I saw Lauren Bacall.
19. Disappointed and I don’t know why.
20. Hit me slowly, hit me quick.

I fell in love with a serial killer last night.

 

Sometimes I don’t watch start watching a new T.V. show I’ve seen advertised, because I can’t afford the committment in my life at that time.  I can tell, before having even viewed one episode, that I will be obsessively hooked.  Sometimes the decision is made for me, as we only have basic cable, not any of the movie channels like HBO, etc.

Once in awhile, I’ll happen upon re-runs and I don’t have the strength to fight it anymore.  I’ll end up as hooked as I knew I’d be, and them have to watch everything I can find.   My most recent weakness has become ‘The Closer’.   (Don’t hold the fact against her that she’s married to Kevin Bacon, and that her love interest was once married to Terri Hatcher- this show is fucking incredible.)

Well, last night, I fell again.  Hard.  I knew seeing the advertising for this show when it started out on Showtime that it would be indescribably delicious.  However, I didn’t have Showtime, so it didn’t really matter.  Seems my friends over at CBS decided to run the show on network primetime for me starting last night.  And I am in love.

His name is Dexter.   He works for the police department as a blood spatter expert.  And he’s a serial killer.  He cuts people up.  While they are conscious.  But really, it’s okay, because he only kills the people that deserve it. 

But it’s so much cooler than that.  He has no feelings.  Good or bad.   His sister is the only person that loves him (which he recognizes as a nice thing), and he thinks if he were capable of feeling love, he’d probably love her, too.  So he goes through his live, ’pretending’ to be social, as he knows this is what society expects.  It is so amazing I can’t even describe it. 

Looks like my Sunday nights at 10pm are booked now.  I heart Dexter.  Delicious.

Happy valentine’s day massacre.

Accepting the death of love.

 

Just put your hands around my heart and squeeze me until I’m dry.
I never thought you’d ever start to ever ask me why.

I never saw you again.

I heart whores.

 

This is my friend I call Gaylord.  She is a whore.  You can tell by the photo.  I used to work with her and a sassy gal named Churl, who has the ability to injure herself in the oddest ways (go ahead, tell them how you “fell” on your toothbrush and poked a hole in your mouth.  While sober.)

Anyway, they taunted me by saying they were going to send me something, something so cool that I seriously laid in bed at night with anticipation.  Then the mail came today.  An envelope.  Suspiciously with no return address.  And guess what they sent to me?

They sent me their PUBIC hair.  They spent weeks growing it and combing it out.  Churl told me she even used hair glaze on hers to give it shine.  Gaylord even threw in her crabs for free.  Documentation of the mission is above.

I miss working with them.  A lot. 

Love drives away hate.

I climbed into bed with my daughter to snuggle with her this morning for a few minutes before we got up. She turned to me and asked “Did you know there used to be naughty rules?” I told her I wasn’t sure what she meant, and she proceeded to tell me how light skinned people use to get to sit in the front of the bus, and dark skinned people had to sit in the back. Then this lady named Rosa Parks sat down and the man (how appropriate) told her to get up and she said no. Then they threw a bomb into Martin Luther King, Jr.’s house.

I told her “Yes, there used to be some naughty rules, but those are gone now.”

And then she looked me in the eye and said “Momma, love drives away hate.”

Before I could start crying at the beauty of her poignant statement, she added in a whisper “I just farted.”