Say what?

 

Songs I have misheard throughout my life.

Benny and the Jets (Elton John) – real lyric: She’s got electric boots, a mohair suit.

Thought he was saying “She’s got electric boobs, her Ma has, too.”  Wondered what you’d do with electric boobs.  Guess it must be hereditary.

I Want to be Sedated (The Ramones) – real lyric: I want to be sedated.

Thought he was saying “I want a piece of it.”  Seriously, who doesn’t want a piece?

Party at Ground Zero (Fishbone) – real lyric: A ‘B’ movie starring you

Thought he was saying “Every movie star and you.”  No, it didn’t seem odd at the time that every movie star would be at the ground zero party with me…

Loser (Beck) - real lyric: Soy un perdedor.

Thought he was saying “Oh well, so what can be done?”  Knew it probably wasn’t right, but convinced several friends of this through the art of my persuasion.  Which is going to be the name of the band I have some day.

Games without Frontiers (Peter Gabriel) – real lyric: Jeux sans frontieres.

Thought he was saying “She’s so funky, yeah!”  I still think she’s funky.  Yeah!

Ooooh that smell.

 

So I get into work this morning, and after logging in, I realize there’s a faint candle-like, flowery scent in the air.  I try to pass it off as something the cleaning people used to wipe off the desk- maybe it’s still lingering?  But no, it’s still there, minutes into my day.  It starts to give me a slight headache.  It’s like gross old lady perfume. 

I search my drawers.  I know my co-workers.  Did one of those fuckers hide a Glade scented candle in my desk?  No.  Maybe it’s coming through the paper-thin walls, and the chick who sits behind me is burning some hippy incense crap.  I almost go over to accuse her.  But I know myself, and instead I wait.  To think on it a while longer.  To think…

It’s my new fucking deodorant!  First day wearing it.  New scent.  Apparently the scent of insanity. 

Now I have to figure out how to wash my pits in the bathroom.

That’s when he got into PM Dawn.

This man (see above) said out of nowhere to me and a co-worker during a meal, “I was crippled for a year and a half as a child.”