I always thought the douche bags were named Angela…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5T4UuLuPrfk&NR=1
On behalf of all Karen’s, your photo should appear here in December, Dane Cock: http://www.bigdouchebag.com/index.html. I guess there is a long line on the douche waiting list.
Douche bag.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCQ4QLFl01g
Your Mom called, Lux. She wants you to pull up your pants.
Scientific evidence has confirmed I will be an insane old woman. I guess Britney and I DO have something in common.
http://health.yahoo.com/experts/joybauernutrition/26495/pot-bellies-may-lead-to-dementia/
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
Apparently when you’re 5-1/2, tiny ice cream is bullshit…
I took the kids to McDonald’s last night after dinner for a special treat. I wanted one of those giant drinks, and I know they give away little kids cones. So we get there, they are so excited, and I hand them their tiny cones. Violet was not amused.
“Why is it so tiny?” she asks, clearly disappointed. Translation: What the fuck is this? I’m 5-1/2. This tiny ice cream is clearly designed for babies.
“It’s a yummy ice cream,” I declare. “Oh man, I wanted a real one,” she whines, clearly not happy with me at all. Translation: Yeah, I get it. It’s a fucking tiny ice cream, I’m not stupid. Clearly, when you said ice cream at McDonald’s, I didn’t think you were going to fuck me over with this shit.
“Okay, then I guess I’ll eat it,” I offer. “No!” she yells and starts digging in. Translation: Look, I’ll fucking eat it cause it’s ice cream, but I don’t like it. At all. And I’m going to hate you when I’m 16 because of this.
In case you weren’t clear on Violet’s feelings about her brother, I found this random note sitting in the living room.
If you listen to Fantastic Voyage real close, Coolio provides us better ways to say things.
What you would say #1
It’s probably not good that I’m addicted to heroin.
What Coolio would say #1
Kick it, kick it, yeah… that’s the ticket.
What you would say #2
Son, the vet said that your bunny Mr. Buckles has broken his hip and that he’ll have to be “put down”.
What Coolio would say #2
You can’t have the hop if you don’t have the hip.
What you would say #3
Mr. Persky, we really don’t think we can invest in your penis-shaped lollipops at this time.
What Coolio would say #3
Stay sucka-free and keep the busters off your jock.
What you would say #4
Honey, do these pants make my butt look big?
What Coolio would say #4
It’s time to take your ass on another kind of trip.
What you would say #5
I only take road trips with boys who have Down Syndrome.
What Coolio would say #5
I just got an email from his Mom with a link to a quick bio video. I started babysitting him (and his sister) when I think he was 4. He was really into Ghostbusters. And spaghettios.
God, I feel old. And proud!
http://www.vimby.com/video/life/us/all/detail/5714
