This is why the IT department are arrogant a-holes.

So, I got bored.  Decided to try and figure out why my hard drive was so full.  Found a bunch of programs that said I hadn’t accessed them in a while.  Deleted them.  Now I don’t have sound on my computer. 

Ooops.  So now I’m sitting here, waiting for “Nick Burns, Your Company’s Computer Guy“.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05TD61-5a58

 

Balloons kill.

http://www.suntimes.com/news/world/915270,CST-NWS-brazil25.article

While reading this story, you will actually experience all of the seven emotions  (check them off as you go):

• Sadness (there ain’t much jungle in the middle of the ocean)
• Anger (balloons kill, people!)
• Surprise (that a priest would be so stupid)
• Fear (when will balloons kill again?)
• Enjoyment (you know God is probably laughing at him right now)
• Disgust (that I actually just thought the comment above)
• Contempt (the whole stunt was to raise money for a center for truck drivers)

 

Happy Anzac Day.

Anzac Day is a national holiday in Australia and New Zealand, where men celebrate the the skin of their scrotum, affectionately referred to as the “anzac”, which is an aborginal term that means “i think these berries are dried out”. 

We here in America tend to use the term “ball sac” (see how it feels fancier without the “k”?), or coin purse (my personal favorite).

Kevin, my friend in New Zealand, would you care to elaborate in the comments section?

Things I thought about blogging over the past three weeks (but didn’t).

• Eminem.  Guess who’s fat?  Fat again.  Shady’s fat.  Tell a friend.
• The baby with two faces.  Is there a man with two penises thanking God right now?
• Is Tony Robbins the illegimate son of Andre the Giant?  All answers point to yes.
• Why does Google own the following domains: thesecretofburritos.com and googlepoo.com?
• I have personal evidence to support the claim that beans ARE a magical fruit.
• Gene Simmons and Donald Trump are hair twins.

Found in translation.

A five year old’s interpretation of some Queen classics…

Bohemian Rhapsody:
“Oh quesadilla, quesadilla, quesadilla let me go.”

We Will Rock You:
“You got mud on your face, big disgrace, somebody better put a bag over your face.”

I think Freddie would be proud.

Best email exchange this week.

The following is an actual email exchange within my department that occured this week:

From: Jon
Sent: Thursday, April 24, 2008 11:13 AM
To: Team
Subject: OOO this afternoon

Team ,

I have 5 hours of call this back-to-back this afternoon, so I am going to take them from home.  If you need me feel free to call me on the cell or shoot me an email.

J
___
From: Matt
Sent: Thursday, April 24, 2008 12:11 PM
To: Team
Subject: OOO this afternoon

Team,

I’m out a little early today as well – catching a flight home to NorCal this afternoon to visit my folks.

Have a great weekend, please feel free to call me on my cell if you need anything.

Many thanks,

Matt.
___

From: KP
Sent: Thursday, April 24, 2008 12:14 PM
To:  Team
Subject: RE: OOO this afternoon
 
SOFT.  I’ve broken my leg (with my bare hands) and will be putting in a full day at the office after fashioning a splint out of paperclips.

Taste the pain.

 

this may come as a shocking surprise
i have to take a walk
i have to kiss it goodbye
goodbye my love
goodbye my love

That’s not a man, baby.

 

Oh wait… yes it is.

Umm… what? http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article962151.ece

Umm… WHAT? http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article989859.ece

Umm… WTF??  http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article975022.ece

How to get your recommended daily allowance of minerals.

According to Violet (5 years old), simply eat one of my homemade waffles.

Me: Violet, how do you make waffles?

Violet: Let me think for a little bit… that’s a good one.  First you put the batter in, and then you put the soil and then you mix it.  And then you put little circles in the waffle thing.  Then you eat the waffles.

I wonder if that’s how Roscoe makes them…

Everybody ride the potty train.

There have been some “iss-ues” with potty training.  According to my Dad, it took almost 5 minutes to get this off his head.